In retrospect, I now realize how the last two years of my
life was dominated by a person who literally controlled my emotions which
spilled over to a physical and mental decline that affected my whole body, even
spiritually. I now believe since I am
out of that situation that I did not realize I had slipped into a very deep
depression. Being home was a solace,
albeit a very temporary one. The only
happiness I derived was that which came from the companionship of my dogs…and
even that was affected I now know, because we are very ‘connected’…so what touches
me in a negative way, passes on to them.
This particular blog is my therapy of sorts. I’m on the road to healing…I have been for a
little over a month now. However, it is
slow progress…but at least I’m moving in the right direction.
I have decided I want to wake up every morning and
truly be able to say, ‘This is the day the Lord has made, I will
rejoice and be glad in it!’ (emphasis mine) I am giving myself verbal and
mental permission to laugh and smile, to bring back the animated person I have
been…and most importantly….knowing it’s ‘ok’ to be human! I will make mistakes…that’s
fine…I learn from them, hopefully don’t make the same ones again…but move
on. I truly need to do that, because I’ve
been stuck in an awful rut…pulling myself out of it has become a journey in
itself. I know I’m not alone. There are those of you out there I’m sure
experiencing similar situations in your own life. Of course, the number one priority needs to
be, get yourself out of that harmful condition. How? Determine what steps need
to be taken, and then do it! That’s what
I did and with great determination! It’s only then you can recover, begin to
live again and move on. I’m in that
process…and it hasn’t been easy, but I’m getting there…forward motion is
positive. I’m not going to live in the
past of what someone did to me that caused me so much grief. I can remember thinking, ‘Anita, he who
angers you controls you.’ I don’t like
to give anyone that kind of control, but sometimes it is just beyond our own
ability and resources to not allow it, especially once we’ve been worn down.
I have always considered myself a positive person. I can always find the cloud with the silver
lining. I like to enjoy life and be
happy…that’s the me I so desperately need back! Yes, I’m older now…50 rolled
around last year, but that doesn’t mean I start winding down. I have a lot to give…I can now do that freely
without fear of reprisal. It is a
wonderful feeling, one I’m trying to get used to again. I have found myself drawing back some in
certain situations and being hard on myself.
This is part of it that will take a little more time for me. I will get there I know, because my faith in
God tells me I am not alone. Why trials are allowed in our lives that many
times we just simply don’t understand, is best left to God…He has a purpose and
reason for everything. I do believe this
past situation has made me a stronger person…and that will enable me to comfort
a lot more people down the road that I may encounter that need someone with
that experience, which I would not have had previously.
Be good to yourself and most importantly, love
yourself. Take care of you…because
you won’t be of much help to others if you don’t. Keep junk out of your life…look around your
environment…what do you really need? Brighten a room, keep it simple and light….don’t
weigh yourself down with unhealthy habits…whether it’s what you eat or what
thoughts you allow in your head. This isn’t carelessness, it is purging that
which is not wholesome and replacing it with what allows you to live with what
is beneficial to your well-being. That’s
what this blog is all about. So I am in
the process of reevaluating my home environment, because I so love being in it,
and making it more simple, which will allow me to continue my road to
recovery. If it is a journey you are
encountering as well, let me know...perhaps we can travel the road together! To
your health….to being well and living well!
